Tiếng Anh IELTS Writing - Nowadays, many people have low - Quality diets. What problems can this cause?

Topic:

Due to the availability of fast food nowadays, many people have low-qualitity diets. What problems can this cause?

What can governments do to resolve these problems?

Essay:

It seems health and fitness are issues many of us are willing to spend vast sums of money on. However, these is a worrying trend of people having unhealthy eating habits, caused by the availability of junk food.

These is a mountain of health problems related to unbalanced diets. According to a American study, low-quality meals could cause an increase in the risk of dying at a younger age and dropping the time in people's life, especially from high blood pressure, heart disease and cancer. In addition, it results in higher healthcare costs as more people need spend a lot of money on expensive adequate medical treatments. Moreover, becoming addicted to such eating habits will destroy the cultural diversity. For example, in Vietnam, several traditional food was replaced by fast food such as sugar candy or Keo Chi To Hong, which has an negative effect on the culture of the country.

In order to convince people to prepare meals which are low in fat and high in fiber, governments should raise taxes on all foods which have a high fat and suger content. If fattening food becomes so expensive, the issue of rising obesity levels will be tackled. Furthermore, schools should provide children with free high-quality diets to use in each meals. Finally, politicians could adopt policies to raise health awareness through campaigns about the ill effects of a diet poor in vitamins. As a consequence of these changes, a larger proportion of people would be able to have a healthy lifestyle.

In conclusion, there are many health-related risks connected with unhealthy food that can damage people's lives. Therefore, it is essential that governments allocate resources to help people to follow a balanced diet in their daily life. In my opinion, governments should take steps to address this problem as a matter of urgency. (302 words, 6.5 point)

Comments of IELTS examiners:

Some great vocabulary, good structure, several complex and high-quality sentences, and excellent arguments in paragraph 1. However, you didn't tackle question 2 in a clear way, and some sentences can be repaired to be more perfectly.

Nhận xét của giám khảo chấm IELTS:

Từ vựng ổn, kết cấu bài viết tốt, có sử dụng câu phức và lập luận chặt chẽ ở đoạn 1. Tuy vậy ở đoạn 2, ý của thí sinh chưa rõ ràng, một vài câu trong bài còn có thể được nâng cao hơn về mặt ngữ pháp.