Tiếng Anh IELTS Writing - More children are beginning to study online - Positive or negative?

Đề 1:

Topic:

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay:

The innovation of technology is changing our life in a positive way. It is inescapable fact that more and more people using social media for learning and working which brings the development of their country. Then, the essay will examine and state that electronic devices have a lot of advantage for the education and the economy.

First of all, students can learn better and quicker if they take the lesson on the Internet. Especially, they can choose what or when they want to learn which helps their learning process to be much more exciting and interesting. For example, the majority of Asian students reported that they felt more difficult to understand what the teacher said on the class in the morning, so since they had learnt online at night, they could concentrate more easier on their lessons as well as have higher points and good results in the final exams.

Another reason is that technology creates more jobs for everybody which helps raise the economy of the country. It is undeniable that the problems of the unemployment decrease since online shop or online tutor on the social network appeared. For example, in Vietnam, poor people can open a online shop and advertise their hand-made products on their website without wasting any money for hiring shop or marketing program. Another example, students who have financial problem can teach online in a flexible timetable and then earning more money for their living and studying.

In conclusion, I completely agree that engineering development have a lot of advantages for our educational and economic field. So, we should learn how to use technology in the most effective and valuable way to get more merits from it.

(282 words, 6.0 point)

Comments of IELTS examiners:

Good vocabulary range, using complex sentences, just a few of small grammar mistakes but still understand, good argument in paragraph 1. However, some linking words is not suitable and be confusing and chaotic in paragraph 2, several sentences can be upgraded.

Nhận xét của giám khảo:

Từ vựng ổn, có sử dụng câu phức, tuy mắc vài lỗi nhỏ nhưng không ảnh hưởng tới việc diễn đạt, đoạn 1 lập luận chặt chẽ. Tuy nhiên, một số từ nối sử dụng chưa hợp lý, đoạn 2 còn chưa rõ ràng và mạch lạc, một vài câu còn có thể nâng cao hơn về mặt ngữ pháp.

Đề 2:

Topic:

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socializing online to meeting one another in person.

Why do you think this is the case?

What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?

Essay:

Sedentary lifestyle is becoming increasingly serious in many nations. Although sedentary lifestyle threatens many societies, it can also be combated successfully. This essay will look at some of the reason why youngsters would like to meet each other on the Internet rather than go out together and suggests some solutions to solve it.

It is an inescapable fact that young people can save more money and time providing that they talk on the social network. People usually waste a vast amount of money for transport if they want to go from there to another place. Moreover, it is quite difficult to have a date because everyone has their own business, so if we use through the Internet, it is really easy for everyone to chat and share everything together in a minute. For example, if you live in the center of the city but your best friend's house is in the countryside, you must spend at least two hours by taxi or motorbike to go and meet your friend which makes you feel uncomfortable and anxious while you can have a video call by using Facebook or Twitter without wasting any money or time for it.

However, we can find some effective solutions to limit young people browsing the Internet. Education is the main way to tackle this issue. Teenagers need to be aware of the effects which technology brings for them so that they can avoid this problem. In addition, the government could also allocate resources to advance transportation. This is a good approach because people will meet each other easier and more quickly if the price and the road system is improved.

In conclusion, although technology brings many advantages for your life, people depending on modern devices too much is a serious issue which need to be solved by educated youngsters and subsidized on transportation. Although the problem is unlikely to be entirely eliminated in the short term there are concrete steps to reduce the effects it is having on the current society. (335 words, 6.0 point)

Comment of IELTS examiner:

Good structure and vocabulary, just a few of small grammar but it is still clear.

However, two paragraphs is not equally, paragraph 2 need to be more detail.

Đề 3:

Topic:

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Essay:

The innovation of computers has changed our life much or less which brings a lot of advantages to advance the economic and the education of the country. So, I totally agree that the most vital thing that has been invented in the last hundred years is computers.

First of all, computers create more jobs for poor people which contributes on the development of the economy. These days, people who can't afford to hire land in the center of the city will open some online shops on their website to sell local products. Moreover, students having financial problems can also do as an online tutor with a view to increase their financial budget. For example, in Vietnam, many of families reported that they could earn double money than before since they found several online employment on the computer.

Furthermore, it is an inescapable fact that students who live in remote areas can learn more convenient and easier providing that they have digital devices. In the past, the educational institution in the countryside didn't have library, so pupils had not too much effective resources to study. However, since computers have appeared, the majority of poor youngsters can look for a vast amount of interesting documentaries as well as accumulate expertise, practical experiences and some pivotal on websites of their computer.

In conclusion, I completely agree that computers play an essential part in human life because of the advancement of the economic and educational field in nations. Therefore, teenagers should know how to use it in the most useful way to help our country to improve in the long run. (267 words, 6.0 point)

Comment of IELTS examiner :(Level: Excellent > Good > Fair > Bad)

Grammar: Fair (=Ok)

Vocabulary: Excellent

Organization: Fair (the idea of paragraph 2 is similar to paragraph 1)

Answer Task of the test: Fair